Yesterday I ate 2600 calories just over.
I was hungry and it didn’t even feel like a large amount.
291g carbs, 186g protein and 73g of fat.
So my goal macros were completely off, and frankly I couldn’t care less. I actually feel some sense of achievement by completely disregarding food ‘goals’ and just eating what my damn body wants.
And I didn’t wake up looking fat, or with a big swollen stomach, or some nasty arse stomach pains from my digestive system shutting down.
At one point in my eating disorder I was scared to go over 20g carbs a day, that is absolutely ridiculous! I was terrified of the thought of not being in ketosis and if I ate just 1g over I would punish myself with laxatives and a strict fasting regime.
I was ridiculous, irrational, mad and extremely unhappy and trapped. It makes me feel sick to think I was love that, and it makes me feel sick to think about having to have my carbs that low again.
I now sit at 30lbs heavier than that point in my life, and I feel nothing but accomplishment for every single calorie of food I’ve consumed, every kg of fat I’ve put on and every lb of muscle I have gained back and grown from new.
So fuck you eating disorders, and fuck the thoughts of not being allowed to eat and being disgusting if your body is ‘covered’ in fat - because I fucking love all my fat and it won’t going nowhere!
#edrecovery #anorexiarecovery #prorecovery #selfrecovery #recovery #bodydysmorphia #weightgain #weightrestoration #musclegain #eatingdisorder #anorexia #ednos #bulimia #fuckyouanorexia #edsoldier